Collapsing her Memories
by Kagome's Twin
Summary: Rin questions... Rin wonders... Rin thinks tragedy or destiny?


(Author's Note: Hello, I have not written in a while and don't hate me for not updating other stories; I just happened to be up at 1 in the morning typing this up. I hope you like!)

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Collapsing her Memories

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The night is blinded once more by the sun's barely showing. I look down with him at my side, his bare chest not mortally cold by morning dawn, but still dried from previous sweat that is stenched invisible.

Why did this happen? Why did this happen again? I ask this many times upon awakening, and I guilt myself so much that goosebumps appear on my naked skin as well as my nipples, which were hard like they were during our passionate nighting.

He's so beautiful. His hair always silver shining white, but ageless as he and the rest of his young masculine features. His linings looking of scratches purple outline his most gleaming golden eyes. They turn red at his highest peak of ecstasy…

Is it sick? He raised me as once child, but now I am a bigger girl… almost eighteen. Is it wrong that I thought of him as a father once? That now we bind together as a king would with a secret mistress?

Jakken doesn't know. He only sleeps. He always sleeps. Our master puts him to sleep before we commence our nightly allures.

Master knows many things of witchery and tricks and some without fatalness. He has learned them throughout his lifetime, but barely in use. When except to silence or keep particulars in ignorance.

My master knows so much and that is why he is the wisest. That is why I admire him so in everyway.

But why? Why does this feel so wrong when it happens it feels so good?

What of the slayer boy? He was nice. He is older too, but became lecherous from his sister's husband, a womanizer.

We had a dream ago, many springs before this. No, it wasn't a dream. It was reality in true to innocent hugs and little butterfly kisses on the cheek. I blushed like I was at being a little unknowing virgin at thirteen. Then two years passed, he was nineteen, an adult now… but I was still growing. He backed me toward the tree till my back was flat against it and we were inches apart. He said with seriousness and hopefulness filled with worry of rejection, "I love you, please be mine." I was speechless, my breath didn't catch. My head floated 'Now? No! Not now! I like him a lot. It's too soon! He looks like he loves me so much I want to say yes, so why don't I? What about my lord?' Sooner than the thought of him, he came. There was death in my master's eyes and the slayer shrank barely a second, but summoned what he could to ask "Lord Sesshomaru, I have asked Rin to marry me. Do I have your blessing?" I saw how he looked at the slayer and I remember to this day; he hated what went on, he hated the way he looked at me, he hated his intentions, he hated how he was so close at having my heart. He only replied "You do not and do not ask me; I am not her father to ask permission." And like a hypocrite he commanded "Rin, leave us. I wish to speak to this boy-"

"Man." Kohaku stopped him. "I am the man you wish to speak to."

He pushed his nerves even more than a second ago, but he told me again "Rin, go now." I could only obey as I always did. I hid in the distance to which I knew he could not see. I make out the words from my lord to the slayer "I held you by your throat once, almost killed you. Do not think I will hesitate to do it again." Kohaku remained silent and saw me stare from the forest. He turned and walked away, never looking back again at me.

My life was rid of him since that night. It hurts me that he never defied him. That he never fought to come back to find me and take me away from my lord.

So what? Was this meant? Was this meant to be forever my fate or my always destiny by my Lord Sesshomaru's side? He was my father, he was my fear, my lover, taker of my virginity, my past from then and my future to now.

Lord Sesshomaru will stir soon. I kiss his forehead and lay back down. My head balances on his shoulder, my arm searches for the other side of his chest. My naked body is sheltered by his. My eyes close again and I pretend to sleep.

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(R and R please…) 


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